S C R E A M I N G

A few nights ago, as I was leaving an argument, walking to my car, I screamed. Not just any scream, this scream was the soul of Gaia telling me to pay attention.

I felt like I was wading through muck and couldn’t get to my car fast enough as energies rose from deep within the earth through my body and out of my throat in a primal expression of brokenness.

Of course, this attracted unwanted attention, the argument continued, and when I finally got in my car to leave, I screamed loud, long, sad moans the entire drive home that tore my throat to shreds and left my body feeling tingly, exhilarated, exhausted, and heartbroken.

I was so sad, so lost and lonely that I went my favorite swamp bench and gave it all to Mother Kali (see previous post about swamps).

~

What am I supposed to pay attention to? What was so frustrating that I needed a soul shaking surge of energy to point it out?

It’s a lot of things, but the foundation is insecurity. I don’t feel seen, heard, supported or prioritized in my relationship and I, unfortunately, know how this goes in the long run.

My scream was a siren, an alarm telling me that if something doesn’t change, I’m risking the loss of everything I’ve worked for on my path of healing. It was loud and inappropriate because it is not to be ignored. Do I want to compromise all that for a mediocre connection?

-

How do YOU balance compromise & the sense of giving it all up within YOUR relationships. What creates stability and connection for YOU?

I’m at a loss. I’m a mess. Tell me what you feel; what you think; how do I navigate after an event like this?