Independence

In 2010, Independence Day changed for me. I packed my life into a truck, leaving behind a unhealthy relationship and began an epic journey of healing and expansion. 

On this day, I celebrate my Independence from a life of unhappiness, pain, suffering and poor health. 

I wrote this Jul 4th, 2014 and wanted to share it again: 

“In May of 2010, I went hiking, alone, as usual. As I was walking, a feeling of hopelessness washed over me and I realized I had taken a wrong turn quite a ways back and that I’d spent the last couple years digging myself into a deep, dark hole of despair. I wasn’t strong enough to make my own decisions. I wasn’t proactive enough to engage in any constructive activities aside from hiking.. Which is really just walking. I was overweight; my body registering health problems I didn’t know how to manage and my mind was so far removed from reality that I was binging, hording, and crying a lot. My emotions were so out if balance that a normal conversation with my boyfriend at the time usually ended with me huddled in a corner sobbing, bawling, or screaming — So he really didn’t talk to me very much. 
When the boyfriend came home from work that day, I was sitting on the couch (normal), watching a season of some TV show (I watched a lot of seasons of a lot of TV shows). We had a brief conversation where I revealed that I had cried while hiking and admitted that I was not happy. To that, he suggested I go home — by home, he meant Florida and by go, he meant move. He was right, of course, but the sound of those words were deafening. I’d spent so much time trying to “make it work” — I felt invested (I had a lot of misplaced pride.) 

A few months later, on the 4th of July, I packed as much as I could fit into half of a moving truck and drove to Connecticut to meet with a friend’s mom who was also moving to Florida — perfect timing, right? It turns out she was about as crazy as I and it hardly fazed her to travel with my cat and my pet lizard. 

We arrived in sunny south Florida and never spoke again. I went on a job interview and went to the keys for a week. When I returned, refreshed and thoroughly absorbed into Florida, I began rebuilding my life, pulling myself together, getting my license in order and finally landed a job at a spa the following January. 

Somewhere in there, I became obsessed with Stand-Up Paddleboarding and by summer 2011, I bought my first board and moved to a trailer in Jupiter with water access. That summer, I went to my first Yoga on Water class and my long lost yoga practice began to surface. A lot of the pain I had shut out started to work it’s way in and out of my life and for the first time ever, I had a dedicated studio practice. The space was amazing, the people were so supportive and I had access to the tools I really needed to heal my old emotional injuries. 

I was in love with the studio, I wanted to live there! So, when they expanded to include a Healing Arts Center, I jumped at the opportunity, then began saving for Yoga Teacher Training. In July of 2013, I was terminated from the resort for permanently tattooing hearts on the palms of my hands — and it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I began to be (higher) self-employed, a concept that took awhile to wrap my head around. 

And here I am. It’s July of 2014 and I’ve disassociated my massage practice from the yoga studio to pursue a dream so big, it no longer fits indoors. This is me, five years later: my weight is what I consider normal, I’m emotionally stable, actively caring for myself, running my own business, supporting myself, following my heart and living in a state of blissful awareness. I’ve made friends with the most beautiful people, taken the most awesome adventures and I’m planning to fulfill a childhood dream in September: I’m going to Costa Rica.  

I’m not very patriotic, the 4th of July and all that ‘Merica, red, white and blue doesn’t do it for me. I like fireworks, I like parties; but for me, Independence Day is a celebration of becoming Me. The Me that has been hiding deep inside the cavern of my heart. I had to crack open over and over again to get here. I’ve made mistakes and been fortunate to be corrected with compassion and loving guidance. 

Thank you for being a part of my Journey. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for giving me a space in your journey, a part of your life. Namaste.”