unforseen

The best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry. —Robert Burns

February and March were a travel season for Austin and I, taking four trips around Florida in that time. In the midst of these trips, my sister-in-law’s mother, Laura, passed away, my parents’ dog, Charlie, passed away, and I was diagnosed with a melanoma on my shoulder. To say that my family went through it, feels like an understatement. As March bled into April, and, now, May, I find myself simultaneously grounded and drifting.

Enter February: Austin and I take a trip down the peace river to dig fossils out of alligator infested waters with some friends; a few weeks later, we take the boat to the Crystal River watershed to explore the area for manatees and maybe a future scalloping trip. Between these two trips, I went to a dermatologist to check out a suspicious spot on my shoulder, the results came through on the way home from Crystal River: it was a melanoma that needed to be excised and I would also need a lymph node biopsy. As a Florida native, this diagnosis did not surprise me, but why the hell does a lymph node biospy cost as much as a new car? Fortunately, I was awarded financial aid at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa and set up an appointment in April.

At the end of February, Laura passed away. Shortly after Laura, Charlie crossed the rainbow bridge. The loss of our family members has left gaping holes in our hearts that we continue to mourn and mend. I wasn’t close with Laura, but her presence was commonplace for our most intimate family gatherings. And Charlie, he was a really, old dog , having lived well past his expected age. Although they are free of the duhka, the sadness of loss continues to be devastating for us earthside.

In March, Austin and I took a solo staycation in the RV at DuPuis Recreational Area where I felt well needed, deep rest, off the grid. Then, we had a family vacation to the keys. It, too, was well needed and we had the opportunity gather, bond, rest and commune collectively. There were fish stories to enliven us; creative cooking challenges to overcome; downtime to rest; and a lot of cuddling. We had everything we needed in our Allen Family vacation bubble. While healing doesn’t stick to convenient timelines, we had the privilege of support, rest and togetherness.

A couple weeks later, I had my melanoma consultation in Tampa, where I was told this was an actual surgery, with fasting, general anesthesia, and pain meds; my treatment plan was much more invasive than Austin or I could have anticipated. The four hour ride home was uncomfortable and when we finally pulled into the driveway, I was in a full melt down. After Austin coaxed me out of the truck, I had a disney princess cry in the garden as I let the overwhelm wash over me in waves of fear, despair and anguish.

Eventually the overwhelm released me from its vice grip and I started to put my feelers out for the kind of help I would need when this procedure was scheduled. A few days pass and I am given a surgery date, one week out. One whole week— for the gal that plans months in advance. Ensue more meltdowns. I had to cancel everything, suddenly. As a healer, it felt tedious to share my personal health journey with each cancelled appointment.

My surgery went well and pathology came back clear: cancer free — an absolute blessing! My mom cared for me for that critical first 24 hours and ever since, I’ve been resting; not lifting, pushing, or pulling anything that weighs more than five pounds; no submerging or sweating; I’ve also given up journalling for awhile to ensure my right shoulder gets all the rest it needs and deserves. For the first week my digestion was messed up and I was sleeping a lot; as my body comes back to its own normal, I’m envious of folks that sleep easily and well.

I’ve also had a lot of time to connect with friends. Some I haven’t seen in awhile, some that have never been to my home, some that are long distance and in different time zones — and that has been an absolute JOY. There has been so much laughter and support in my home these past couple weeks— more blessings, glimmers, to remind me of the divinity in every experience.

To be continued..

Connect with me here: Jewels0818@gmail.com